I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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