my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
