why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
