Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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