i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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