the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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