I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
