Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
