Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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