Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the day after is always just damage control
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
