I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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