some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
