I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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