i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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