jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
