last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
