i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
