u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
