when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
