so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
