dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
