Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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