he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
