dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
