My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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