She is in my trunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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