he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
