Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im part way to drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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