Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
