Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
