I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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