went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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