hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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