mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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