Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
