best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
