It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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