the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
