If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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