dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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