woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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