I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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