Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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