The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
