This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you never un-have a 4some
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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