got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
