last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize