I can tuck mytits in my pants
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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