Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
