Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
