The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
