I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize