awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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