It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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