Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
