im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
