I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
