OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
