I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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