no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize