She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
