So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
