While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize