im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
