No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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