I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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