out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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