Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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