I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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