I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
