so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
