Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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