omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
