So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My feet surprised me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
