I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
