So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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