In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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