So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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