I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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